I have few phobias in my life – but the biggest one happens to be gift-giving.

I am entirely angst ridden over finding the perfect gift. And if I can’t find what I want, I get nothing at all.

Scott wrote the post about upping the ante, trying a little harder, and I am here to say that for those of you who are feeling squeamish over the quest for the perfect gift? Try a little less.

I put an unbelievable amount of pressure on holiday gift buying, and spend months trying to come up with the most meaningful and significant presents. Often, my presents are customized or ‘home-made’ – gifts that hold more sentimental value than anything else. One year, I converted the dozens of family video tapes into fully cataloged DVDs – complete with covers and designed labels. They took me MONTHS to do, and in the end it was one of the best presents I have given. Other years I have made photo collages, framed significant moments and memories, and worked tirelessly on scrapbooks. Years that I have a plumper pocket I am able to save for the big gift that my family members won’t buy for themselves, and I always feel a sense of fulfillment when I can give them something that I know they have wanted desperately.

This year, my family has extended by 4 immediate members, as my cousin’s family moved up from Florida. Additionally, as Scott mentioned, this is our first Christmas together where we will be exchanging with our respective families. What to get your boyfriend’s family? Not easy. Tack on another 5 people.

Though I have been “trying a little harder”, as Scott put it, I’m also at the end of my proverbial holiday rope and the gift giving is giving my heart palpitations. I could give gifts until my face turned blue, I just always want them to be the right gifts.  The ones that someone will remember.

But after all of the above, I am giving myself permission to not be perfect this year. To know that at the end of the day, thinking of someone enough to GIVE a gift is enough. Knowing that how dearly I hold my family in my heart is worth a million presents. This year has been full of challenges and setbacks, moves and changes.  It’s also been one of the most defining of my life, as I met someone I believe to be made especially for me. And in the end, we do what we can do, and that’s all we can do.

So breathe, friends. Let go of the pressure and embrace the purpose of the season: love, laughter, and spreading cheer to all you meet.

-Al