Preparing for the First Loss

I’m 31 (and some change)years old. I have had personal challenges and a decade full of relationship turmoil. I am grandparent-less and have dealt with what many teens face – parents divorce, bullying, death of family pets.  But at almost 32 years old, I have never dealt with the grief of losing a best friend.

Call me the crazy dog lady, but my pups are truly best friends.  Excluding family, I have cared the longest and most deeply about these two souls than any other relationship in my life. Ivan and Miah witnessed the best and the worst of times, and have watched me as I have picked up and moved my life where it needed to be. They have laid beside me on every bed in every house I have lived, and they have provided solace when my house was empty and my heart was broken.


I have written so much about Miah’s illness and her gradual decline that I fear there is little left to write on the matter. She is 10 years old, and in our last 10 years together she has taught me more love, patience, and responsibility than anyone ever could. My Mom taught me to love animals – Miah taught me what that love can do to a person.


Ivan can sense the end is near, and his kisses have become more routine and Miah willingly accepts them. He allows her the space she needs on the bed, and has gladly slept next to my side of the bed on the floor. I do the best I can to be equal in my affection, but Miah’s needs are too great that he has taken a slight backseat over the last few months.

Miah-5 Miah-7


Up until yesterday, Miah was still excited to play, go on her two-legged walks, and study every movement I made with pricked ears. Yesterday as I went to help her outside, the lameness I have been watching in her front right foot gave way to an actual fall, and I knew in that moment that our time is almost up. The disease is creeping steadily into her front limbs, and without her ability to walk in the front, her quality of life will be non-existent. Her eyes are not as bright and her head remains low, and it is clear that this is it.


Now it is time to make arrangements, and hope that I can escape home to the farm in New York soon after to lick my wounds and bury myself in distractions. I hope when the time comes, that Rainbow Bridge is near and all will be right for my girl.




More about Al


    1. Alix, prayers for you and Miah’s as her days wind down. She has been well loved…as have you. Love to you both.

    1. Love you. I’m so sorry that you have to make such a difficult decision. Miah is lucky to have such a wonderful mom.

    1. oh Alex my heart breaks for you. I’m so so sorry. I lost my Charlie when he was 13. It’s a hard, bad, painful hurt. Give her all the love and attention you can, try to remain calm around her and cherish every second you have together. I’ll be thinking of you!!!

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