Because I plan to enjoy every ounce of every minute I have tomorrow, I intend to begin April by looking back – only once – on the peaks and valleys of the past year. It’s been a whirlwind, and I know now that when my parents said not to wish time away as it goes by too fast already, truer words were never spoken.

It’s no secret that aging depresses me. I live my past on repeat (a mistake I am working to correct) and indulge frequently in my spoils of yesteryear.  Be it through old photographs, family videos, childhood movies – you name it. I’ve got nostalgia running through my veins and every day that removes me from the simplicity of my youth is a day that I fear. In preparation for turning another year older, I dyed my hair for the first time about three weeks ago. I invested in an obscene amount of skin products (because, lets admit, skin reveals all), and I thought long and hard about getting back to the gym. That didn’t happen – but I did think about it.

But this year was full of life, adventure, and the unexpected. Whenever I think back to being 30, I’ll recall  the most beautiful memories – these images, now frozen on film, will dance in my minds’ eye for years to come.

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And of course, I had to finish with one of my favorite photos of the year.

While pouring through an old book of essays by classic writers, I stumbled upon one of my all time favorites – Thoreau. I may have once judged the man for taking to Walden Pond to live as a recluse. However, I admire the hell out of him for it now, and find his reason for going to be a noble pursuit. “I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately…”

I want to live 31 deliberately. I don’t want to toil the hours away sitting in front of my phone screen, or listening to the idle hum of the television set as I juggle 4 other tasks at the same time. I don’t want to miss the calls to friends that I should be making, or fail to get out and enjoy a gorgeous sunset. 

I want to spend this year knowing that every moment will be the youngest I will ever be. And rather than sit in depressed profundity at the notion, I am taking advantage of the time and allowing it to penetrate the present, instead of becoming a “should have” of the past.

This year will be filled with weddings, births, deaths, and all of life’s smaller moments in between. I fear the loss of my best friend, my darling Miah, and anticipate many struggles attached to that loss. But I also know that I have an amazing family and network of incredible friends who will help make the dark moments bright.

So, here is to saying goodbye to 30, and embracing 31 by living deliberately and with an open mind.

-Al