Guys and girls alike offer their variety of red flags, even when not intending to do so. From having several conversations with my friends (girls) in the past about their dating experiences, these seem to be the 7 that are most often repeated.
1. ” Work is just so busy right now, I can’t hang out”
Work may very well be busy right now, but we live in DC – when is work and for that matter, life, not busy? This always seems to be the simple answer you’re looking for, in response to the question, “where do I rank on the priority list?” A guy who really wants to hang out with a girl is going to make sure to make time. We’re all allowed some time to get work under control, but be realistic about your expectations for them, when it appears they are working 15 hour days, but still have several stories about going out with other friends.
2. “Jealous, Crazy, or Needy”
No girl wants to be called any of these words, so when a guy does call you any of them, think long and hard if you were being out of line. There are times and there are some girls that are downright off the rocker nuts, but it is also something guys know will deflect the attention. Sometimes, it’s a cover for having a real conversation about a larger issue, while other times they just don’t want to be in the wrong. Watch out for “serious” discussions while drining, as it’s often at these times those words are thrown out. I’ve heard a couple times where the guy throws out the word in the calmest and most collected way, and the girl flips out. However, the next morning, she begins to second guess whether it was her fault all along.
3. “Sometimes I come on way too fast”
Serial dater, inexperienced, never had a long relationship -all of these are thoughts that should have popped into your head by now. They may have been first through the gate, but by week 2-4 they’ve probably stopped really impressing you, since they’ve become occupied with other things. He is also aware that he comes on too fast, which means people have told him to scale it back in the past. He’s handing you a red flag here, saying “if I do come on way too fast but you stick around, I’ve already warned you so it’s not my fault.” Watch for his words to speak louder than his actual actions. He’s likely to fall way short and likely off the map, since he is a chaser and not actual dater.
4. “I don’t think I want to have kids or get married”
This is a red flag because of how many girls I’ve met who immediately think, “If I’m the one, they will change their mind!” FALSE! Maybe it was a past relationship or maybe their simple lack of desire to make either of those commitments, but don’t assume that someone can be changed from a decision such as that. We all have a “game-changer” out there, but when his tune doesn’t change, it means he actually was telling the truth.
5. The guy who talks about his ex-girlfriends – A LOT!
I’m a firm believer that if you can control yourself and believe the past is the past, there is nothing wrong with being friends with exes. Clearly, you have to have closure, but beyond that there are mature individuals that can appreciate good times and know they are simple memories, nothing more. That being said, if a guy references a couple exes and dates he has had, he’s just trying to show off. If he continues to latch onto just one, he’s clearly not over them. If it is a variety, he wants you to know other people have wanted to date him before. In a way, you can take this as a compliment since he is trying to show off to you, but on the other hand, he probably thinks this boosts his image – which it doesn’t.
6. Definition Failure
If a guy is trying to avoid defining the relationship he’s probably not going to be interested for long. Communication is a good thing, and if he wants to continue to “just have fun” or remind you that you’re “enjoying the present”, he is either just interested in some fun or might want to avoid the definition that prevents him from “having fun” with other people too.
7. “It’s Complicated”
These words will be brought up again, but if a guy is explaining his current situation as “complicated” in any way, just walk away. No matter the reason, for the complication, it’s likely not worth your time. The simple thing to live by is that boys will have complications, men work them out.
Any red flags I’ve missed? Let’s hear ’em. Cheers!